Thinking Too Much
I realized that I’m the kind of person that thinks way too much, like seriously, I over analyze things sometimes, even to the smallest detail.
Like everyone, I have my pasts too, not a very pleasant one I would say, but that grueling period did taught me how to stand strong on my two feet in order to face the cruelty of human nature.
I unlocked some of the most hurtful truth that my heart could bear, code by code I unveil the true faces hidden behind that facade. Lies concealed, some in the name of protecting me, some merely by people who took me for a fool.
Yes, I’ve endured it all, and I survived.
Though it caused me excruciating pain, I chose to let go of some things so that I could then forgive and forget. I laid down my fucking ego and accepted the fact that I was defeated by a stronger opponent, the loser has no choice but to accept her ill fate.
From a bubbly, cheerful and innocent young girl, I transformed to a cynical, cold hearted, callous bitch after witnessing how ugly the world really is. All that’s left of me now is a vacant body, soulless, impaired, wounded.
There is this optimism deep down inside that constantly reminds me that ‘hey, there ARE people who do care a lot bout you’. Really ?
Didn’t all of us came to this world alone, and are destined to die alone as well?
My lecturer once told me that ‘In this world, you ARE alone. No one will be there to help you out’. I refused to trust his words initially as I wanted so much to believe that this world is a wondrous place to live in, and if you seek hard enough, you will find someone who’ll be more than wiling to lend a helping hand.
I’ve seen the ugly sides of people, today they might be your friend, tomorrow hey guess what, you’re enemies !
Why? Because your friendship is only worth that much, sometimes external factors will come seeping in between the two of you.
The good times will always be there to reminisce, remember all the little favors and you both used to do for each other ? It was incredibly sweet right? But today you and your friend meet each other face to face, THAT’S the only thing left between you two.
Life is unpredictable, it’s complicated.
Or maybe, I shouldn’t think or neither care too much in the first place.
